I am so so glad I decided to go to Glastonbury yesterday. If I had stayed at home I would have moped. As most of you know Glastonbury is my spiritual place, there is a very great spirit of place there to me, to coin a druid phrase. I needed to be there. There were many many tears and some synchronistic meetings too.
I got up at the crack of doom (5.30am) but it is worth it- I was in Bristol by 8.15 so got the 8.50 bus and was in Glastonbury before 10.30. In fact by 10.45 I was on the Tor! It was wet when I set out and I thought it was never going to get light, it was gone 8 before it was properly light. But by the time I got there the rain had stopped and by noon the sun was coming out.
As I travelled down through the Mendips, we hit some fog, then when I got the magic first glimpse of the Tor which I always look out for, mist was swirling round the tower.
I decided to climb the Tor first because there was no-one up there! I have only once had the place to myself, in Feb 1991. The paths were covered in autumn leaves and I spotted some mushrooms on the path. I stopped at the Peace Mother tree for a hug. When I got to the summit it was quite magical, quiet and still, the sun was breaking through the clouds over towards the Quantock hills, and you could still see the rain to the east.
I was on my own for a few minutes so I went to the far side of the tower, got Poppy's* photo out, and let all the grief out (or started to). I wished her a smooth transition over the Rainbow Bridge, and then wished for a new little kitty for whom this will be the perfect home to be ready when the time was right. I told her how much I love her and how glad I was that she came to me and found her perfect forever home. Then a man, a boy and a dog arrived so I had to compose myself. I took some photos and just looked at the view. I love the view from up there. As I was heading down, the man, who had headed down before me, had to head back up to round up his son- the dog had gone back up the tor, son went off after it, dog arrived back with man. As he passed me he said "it feels special up there today" and it did.
Then I went to the gardens and I felt very calm there, there were no tears. I had my usual wander stopping in various places. Both swing seats and the old apple tree in the orchard, one of my special trees to hug! By the well and in Arthurs Courtyard. Took loads of autumny photos.
Then I headed into town and had lunch in Rainbow's End as usual, quiche and salad, elderflower cordial and a coffee. Then I did some shopping. I wasn't really in a shopping mood. I have a couple of little gifts to send to people, and I got a couple of little things to put with Poppy's casket when she comes back to me after she has been cremated. I did buy a gorgeous leather bag with a hare on it, that was my present to me. I got the details of my merit award this week and it was far far more than I expected financially so I decided I could have the bag as a treat. In "Venus" the lady behind the counter said to me when I walked in "Haven't you got gorgeous hair". That bought the most enormous smiles to my otherwise sad face. She said she had noticed that quite a lot of older women are growing their hair, so I told her my age and said if anyone says I am too old to have long hair I will say "Why?".
Then I went to the Goddess temple and the floodgates opened. It is being kept dark in there with Samhain coming up and it felt right. There was one man in there praying, and two priestesses on duty and that was all. The man was just meditating quietly so I managed to sit and cry and cry without disturbing him. I took my photo to the altar and once again wished for Poppy to have a painless crossing over the rainbow bridge. She will always be with me in spirit. I have been braver than I thought I would ever be but I needed to just let all the grief out. One of the priestesses on duty, who I think was at the Goddess in Cornwall weekend I went to in 2006, gave me a hug and I explained why I was so upset. I needed to just pour it all out.
Then I did had a wander round the rest of the shops. I went into Cat and Cauldron to see if Trevor was in there- Liz and Trevor are friends and I always like to see them if I can when I am there. I got a hug from Trevor. I had put my bag on the ground and Cas, their Rotty, straight away dived into the bag- and pinched one of my sandwiches!! What an amazing sense of smell to track down the sandwich, grab it then eat it all in the space of about 10 seconds. I just laughed and boy did I need to!
Then I went to the abbey and had my usual wander all the way round the grounds, through the wild area where the badger setts are and both past ponds where the geese had a word as I had no bread for them. I find those grounds very peaceful and the autumn colours were fabulous.
I bought a 2010 Glastonbury calendar in the shop, then went to Heaphey's for a cappuccino. It was so warm I sat out in the sun. I looked at all the people walking past, sitting there with a broken heart then thought.. any one of these people could be hurting inside the way I am for so so many reasons. All the people with their dogs will have to go through this one day with their beloved dogs. Some of those people might be losing a relative at the moment to cancer or any other disease. If there was anyone where also hurting inside I hope they did feel some of the healing energy I was sending out.
I had a quick look round the last few shops and in the clothes shop Bedlam I bought the most gorgeous Indian jacket. It is silver and turquoise. It had no price on it, so I decided if it was up to £30.00 I would buy it, as I had gone with a fixed cash budget and hardly spent any. It was... £30.00! I will have to take a photo, it is gorgeous.
Then it was time to come home. At Wells, a lady got on the bus and came and sat next to me. She was one of those casually dressed but obviously well to do ladies and I was a bit wary- but she was lovely! We got chatting and she was going to the opera and wished she could stay at home with her cat. So we got talking about cats and it was just what I needed. I cheered up a lot. She was delightful to chat to.
I got home about 8 and I was exhausted. I was in bed by 9.30, and asleep by 10. The clocks went back last night so we got an extra hour in bed anyway and for the first time in weeks I slept really really well.
* Poppy was my cat, my soul mate cat, who came to me in May 2000 and who died two days after this visit, she had cancer. But my now cat, my lovely Shelley, came to live with me a few weeks later and I am sure Poppy had a paw in that. The lady on the bus had two cats both with heart murmurs, and Shelley has a heart murmur and I just knew.. synchronisity.. Shelley was meant to come to me.